Loss

It is so hard to deal with loss- even if it is something that occurs more frequently in your life.

This morning we got word that one of our cooks- Aunty Kadie lost her son Jesse.

Aunty Kadie is one of the strongest, sweetest, kindest, most humble person I know. She lost her husband a few years ago and has been raising her children on her own. She comes to work here at JCC with the best attitude even if she is not feeling well, her children are sick, she is tired, she doesn't have money for the things they need. Whatever is going on in her life- she is still kind and appreciative to others- and she doesn't ask for things. Even though she is one who probably needs it most- I do not remember even one time when Aunty Kadie has asked me for anything. (If you've been here you know that numerous times each day people are coming to me) I just love her and respect her more than I can say.

One of her children is her son Jesse. He is a 9 year old boy who is quiet and respectful- just like his mother. For the the past 3 years he has struggled with illness. A few different times he has had large growths appear on his body. This last one was about the size of a cantaloupe on his shoulder. We have tried for sometime to go to different doctors and hospitals. Not too long before I left for my visit home Jesse spent a couple weeks at Gondama (a Doctors without borders hospital). While I was away they visited Dr. Boima a surgeon who comes to Bo on the weekends. He was sorry to tell them that the illness had spread throughout Jesse's body. He did not think that doing surgery would benefit Jesse at all and it would also cost Kadie more than she could ever repay. Even with our (JCC's) help financially he did not feel surgery would change Jesse's situation. After visiting a few more doctors, Aunty Kadie decided to take Jesse home.

A difficult thing for me to get used to here is that often unless you ask the right questions you will not know what is going on. When I arrived back I spent most of my time with my sister and others who were here. It wasn't until after they left that I asked Aunty Kadie how Jesse was doing. She had been coming to work each day and when I left all I knew was that we had an appointment with Dr. Boima and Jesse was walking around, talking and attending school when he could. To hear what she had to say- that she has "given him up"... it was hard for me to accept. I wanted to talk to the doctors- try something. Aunty Kadie said she had had enough and so had Jesse. They were trusting God and he would take Jesse home when it was time. This was less than a week ago.

On Thursday during our Leadership Team meeting Aunty Mary went to visit Jesse. When she returned she told me Jesse was asking for me. I visited him as often as I could when he was in Gondama and a few times at home. I felt special that he asked for me. I told Aunty Kadie that I would like to pick Jesse up and bring him to JCC to watch some movies. She said if he felt up to it that would be fine.

We didn't get the chance. Word came to the compound this morning that Jesse had passed away in the night.

Aunty mary, Aunty Nanna and I got ready and went to Aunty K's. It was so interesting to me. I felt sorry for Aunty Kadie and Jesse- and yet I felt a bit removed. We have been through this process a few times and as we all got into the Jeep we were talking somewhat as usual. We knew where we were going and why, but the emotions were just not there. I wondered at myself and these ladies- can you get used to this. However as soon as we walked into the door- Aunty Nanna and Aunty Mary began wailing, I walked over to Aunty Kadie- she looked numb. As we hugged she shed just a few tears- I started to lose it. She walked over to Aunty Mary and Aunty Nanna and started comforting them. How comes to often it seems that way. The one who the loss effects the most is the one to have to bring some comfort and peace to those around them. At first I have to admit some slight irritation at Aunty Mary and Nanna, but they truly feel her loss. Even after all the loss they have seen and personally experienced- they felt Aunty Kadie's loss to their cores.

Once again, they washed, wrapped, and prepared Jesse's body in the home and the burial service was held right away. Aunty Kadie continued to hold up her older sister, her other children, those who came to help HER mourn. I know it will be difficult for some time to come. I know there will be times when she is completely broken herself, times when her children feel the loss of their brother, times when she doesn't want to get up- and certainly doesn't want to work- and yet she will. With Jesus by her side- she will. With our prayers and love- she will.