Wedding Fun

Over New Years weekend I had the honor of being in my dear friends Kondovoh and Monica's wedding. Kondovoh "proposed" to Monica last New Year's Eve while I was in America however I was able to be on the phone for some of it. I say "proposed" because it was a bit more traditional. Here the man will go to the woman's family (along with his family) and will state his intentions towards her. Questions will be asked and then the family will ask the girl if she wants to marry this man- if she agrees then they are engaged. NOW what I have learned is that if a bride price is paid at this time then the two are married- however if it is not then they are engaged. Kondovoh and Monica were engaged at this point.

AND NOW THE PLANNING BEGAN!!! This was quite the wedding- I think it was more than any wedding I will have in America or here. It was fun and I loved being part of it however it was also a ton of work. (let me just say here that this is going to be a long post as I try to share with you what SOME weddings are like here- so if you want you can just scroll through the pictures and go or you can stay and get yourself a coffee or diet coke- with ice). Here the family (which includes close friends- and therefore means I am family) all plan the wedding together. We often met with out group of close friends and talked together and all decided together how things were going to be. It was not just the bride and groom conveying their wishes and the rest of us working to get it done. Everyone was able to voice their opinion. AT THE SAME TIME Monica is a strong woman (which is why I enjoy her friendship so much- she makes me look a little less independent and strong willed :)) so she would try to go along with what the others wanted but there were times she pushed her own way through- it is her wedding after all. A few weeks before the wedding she and I went to the tailor shop to check on some of the dresses (for the 30 some girls in the wedding between bridesmaids, flower girls, small bridesmaids, usherettes...). The usherettes were told they could choose their own style for the dresses but when we got there and they were close to finished she told the tailor that she did not love the style and that he was to change it. At this point I thought a little of that show on TLC or whatever network it is.... but at the same time I laughed a little and just tried on my own dress. This was a bit how things went- you can decide and I will have final say. That will probably be me someday as well.

So yeah back to the planning. I even did some shopping in America and the day before leaving my parents house my mom and I were printing and cutting invitations to the wedding party. I do enjoy DOING things though- so if I am going to be a bridesmaid (and not only a bridesmaid but CHIEF BRIDESMAID- this makes me think of Sister Act 2 when Whoopi says- "I am not now nor have I ever been a Las Vegas showgirl- I am a headliner"- how's that diet coke coming- feel like we are sitting together yet) I want to have a job to do, something to keep me busy other than thinking of getting dressed up and walking down the isle and standing in front for the three hour wedding.

The few days before the wedding we were busy but I was also busy with work so heading into it all I was already exhausted. Yes you think I would have time off around the holidays and though I kinda did- I also have almost 100 children and a board meeting and.... So even with all this planning and all this help- we are still in Africa on BMT. This means that we had left out the simple details- who is picking up what, delivering what, how are we getting between here and there- who has the drinks... Yup on top of that I did not realize that we were having two weddings and two parties. Someone needed to explain this to me better.

Finally things are supposed to start Friday night with a quick wedding shower for Monica with the girls (didn't happen until 11:30pm that night) and then the bachelor's eve- which I thought was like the grooms dinner. A wedding rehearsal and food and good time together. Nope. the rehearsal also got moved (to 30 minutes before the actual wedding was to start and none of us were even dressed and had to go back to the house to do that) and the Bachelor's Eve was actually the traditional wedding. Again this was to start at 6 but finally started aroun 8:30pm. We were at the bride's family's house. As many as could fit sit in the living room while MANY others gather outside. The door is closed and when Kondovoh's family comes to the door they play some games about whether to let them in or not and when they finally do we go through all these introductions and gift handing out to the family members- to the father and mother first- then the aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters and all is done one by one and with explanation. Eventually after the purpose of their visit is stated (they are coming to take someone from this family into their own) another little game is played. The brides sisters and aunts say that the grooms family will need to pay transport for Monica to come (she is in one of the bedrooms) after they collect what they deem is a reasonable amount of money they go to get Monica- she comes our with a sheet covering her. When she reaches Kondovoh's family and they remove the sheet it is not her- this is done a number of times and each time there is singing and dancing as the family walks her out. Finally Monica's older brother quietly walked over to the girls and told them to actually bring Monica out. She still came out covered in a sheet that was raised by her soon to be husbands family and cheers were heard all around.

At this time she is seated in a chair looking at both families and another empty chair is placed next to her. Now it is Kondovoh's family's turn. They go outside the house to get him and bring in 3 different men each one at a time who sits next to Monica and she is asked if she knows this man and if this is the man she wants to marry (now all of this is done in Mende so I did not catch everything that happened but this is the gist of it. And by now you are thinking- gist of it- this is getting to be a book and we haven't even gotten to the wedding day yet- well hey- you complained of no blog posts and how far away I am so I am taking my time and sharing as much as I can. :)) Monica says now to each one and when Kondovoh is finally walked in surrounded by his brothers and close friends- he is smiling and so is she. He sits beside her and when she is asked if she knows this man and if he is the one she wants to marry- she smiles large and tips her head a little shyly and says yes. At this point they are prayed for by both families and the pastor and then a native wedding takes place. They say vows and join their hands together with the families and then just themselves. (this part I missed a lot of- but again- the idea is there).

When this is finished the grooms family has one of their children present a gift to the bride and her family (the bride price) this was wrapped up and after it was presented the bride and her mother went into a room and opened it- some household things were in there, an envelope and some other things- I did not see it really. Afterwards she comes back out and the mother gave Kondovoh and hug and the partying began. In the midst of this we had the wedding shower for Monica and when we finally left the party, the groomsmen all went to one house and the bridesmaids to another. The next morning came bright and early and at 6am we were up- only we were also still sewing things onto the bridesmaids dresses. We tried our best to finish it all (and were so thankful Kate was there to help with all of this) when we were called to the church for rehearsal. Now the wedding was to start in about an hour- we were 10 minutes from the house that had our clothes and make-up and shoes and things and we hadn't even started the reherseal. I wanted this to happen badly as I had no idea what to expect. Well the pastor went over a few things with K&M and then we went back to get dressed. By the time we left it was obvious that the wedding would be late- however we were thinking 30 minutes to an hour. When TWO HOURS after the wedding was to start we the bridesmaids and the bride had not shown up at the church they all began to worry. Here is is custom that the bride come late and the groom stand in front of the church waiting, wondering if she will come. However this was LONG. The pastors started to announce in the church that whoever knew Monica should call her to see if she was coming. One of the pastors called me- I stated that we were all ready and just waiting for Monica- but really the time had flown by and we didn't realize it was that late. Anyway the pastors said if she was not there by 2:30 they would call the wedding off. WE MADE IT!

Here are the six of us close friends- Sorba and Belinda, Kondovoh and Monica, and Me and JK- minus the other 3 in our group.

Now do you still want to hear about the wedding or is that enough for this coffee time? If you want you can take a break and come back later- however we all know if I take a break now I am not coming back later so let me finish. This is for my grandma who loves detail (and really I am leaving a ton out).

So we arrive at the church and all get to the back of the isle. The little girls (two groups- one dressed more western and one more traditional) and the ring bearers (three or four of them) head down first. Then comes the bride and her brother (often here it is the brother that walks the bride down the isle) dancing their way down the isle. We bridesmaids follow dancing behind. There are two chairs at the front of the church and when she reaches she meets Kondovoh and they both sit in the chairs. Eventually the pastor asks who gives the bride away and her father came around then to say that he did. Our job as bridesmaids is to take turns standing near them and fanning them- helping Monica with her dress, wiping the sweat from her.... to be there for her. The wedding has vows (like three sets I think) exchanging of rings, prayers, MANY DIFFERENT singing groups (Konodvoh's mom sang- our group of guy friends sang and Kondovoh joined them towards the end with his own part for Monica- different gospel groups young and old....) and during this time we were in a back room signing the marriage certificate- now when I say we I mean EVERYONE IN BO. They had to have at least 75 people sign it and I am not exaggerating here. Of course there was also a sermon and more prayers and other things and the wedding went far longer than was expected.

We finally paired up and walked down the isle together in front of the bride and groom who were last to come out of the church. We were whisked into vehicles for a little parade around town. We drove around to give the families time to get to their houses and then went first to Monica's and then to Kondovoh's family where they were offered a drink of water out of the same glass together. After drinking and receiving a word from the family we moved on. We went to take some pictures as the bridal party and FINALLY made it to a reception at the town hall. Here we ate, heard speeches by at least 6-8 different people- listened to a few more songs- most importantly a surprise song from Kondovoh to Monica and cut the cake and presented gifts. Here is where my CHIEF Bridesmaid position came in. After Kondovoh and Monica cut the cake then the chief bridesmaid and best man cut the cake- I didn't mess up thankfully. However I was disappointed that after we cut the cake we did not get it eat any of it like the bride and groom did. How long I have been in Sierra Leone and not had cake and there it was and all I did was put a knife through it.

Finally we were allowed to go home after collecting all the gifts and things. The guys however still had work to do late into the night as Sunday was the real wedding party (and time to wear the second dress). Oh I forgot to tell you that I guess here the bride is not to wear white after dark- so Monica changed into a pink dress like the girls for the reception- here we both are.

Now this night was New Year's Eve. At this point we should go home to change and head to the church for the celebration- I couldn't do it. I am getting old and new that again the next night was another LATE night and party- so by 11:30 I was home in bed. I did have to get back up at 1:30 to deal with the vehicle that was coming back but it was not for long.

Sunday morning Monica and I ran around to do some last minute things and then we met at the Guest House with the bridesmaids and groomsmen to go to church together. Again they were prayed for. That afternoon we had a party at another friends house (after going for lunch at K&M's after church) so we didn't reach home until 6 and were to meet again dressed and ready to go at 7:30. I took a short nap and got ready to go. Kate and I showed up at the Guest House to find absolutely no one there (and actually we were to be there before 7 but I have learned- not enough- to not be on time and thought 7:30 would be good) Well, there was trouble with the guys party clothes as well as Monica's and at the same time Monica was a bit upset and said she was not going to the party. Well Kate and I left and ran into Belinda on the way- we collected her and at that point I thought- you both are married now- you work it out. We headed into town and got something to eat and drink and sat and talked together as who knows what time it would be when we finally ate. The party was to start at 8pm and we finally met and arrived there at 10:30 and walked into the party just before 11. AND IT WAS FREEZING!!! I know I know we are in Africa. However it was barely 60 degrees and we were wearing strapless knee length dresses and are used to temperatures in the 90s so it was cold. That is where the dancing comes in as a necessity to stay warm and not just to have fun. We ate and drank and danced and listened to speeches and songs and jokes.... It was a fun night but didn't last as long as it would have had it been warmer. However 2:30 am was late enough for me after such a long weekend.
I know that not all weddings are like this here in Sierra Leone- but parts of them are. I truly was honored to share in this day with them and to be included so much. These people really are my family here and Kondovoh and Monica are more than dear to my heart. I am so thankful that I could help in their big day. Right now however I am more thankful that tonight is just game night with them all and not another wedding.

Thanks for hanging with me through this story- with it being so long and my time running out I am not going to edit any of it- it is just a conversation between me and you and FINALLY this book has come to a finish.

THE END

Fresh Update on the Playground

I guess not everything can be fixed with a fresh coat of paint and some new braces on the playground... But most things can be!

We had a lot of fun brightening up the place.

All the kids (even the big ones) can be found spending more and more time on this fine structure.

Makes for some great photos as well.

Thanks to the team who helped us in this (as well as getting us new playground equiptment that will soon be installed around this structure).

Christmas at JCC

White Christmas lights covering the tree, gifts overflowing out from underneath it, stockings hanging along the hallway, the smell of English Toffee coming from the kitchen, old Christmas carols that we can hardly sing along too playing in the corner, snow covering the ground and trees outside the door and laugher and loud voices filling the room- that was not the Christmas we had this year (though I hear snow was not a part of most of yours either).

I admit that no matter how wonderful or difficult a holiday is away from home I always miss my family and the traditions we are used to. This year seemed to be a bit harder for all three of us pumois here at JCC in missing home, however we managed to celebrate a wonderful time with the children and our family here and in the end it helped us to refocus our hearts onto what is truly important at this time of year.

Thanks to some financial gifts from a friend Hope and from my first grade teacher we were able to have a special Christmas Eve with all the kids- from the orphanage, the boys ministry house, the girls ministry house and even some of the reunited children. The mom's had been given a couple days off so the 5 aunties were on hand to not only enjoy the celebration but to really give us the chance to enjoy it fully. These dedicated ladies got up at 3am to start frying(and that is after they along with the big girls peeled and cut all the potatoes the night before) the chicken and chips (french fries). We were able to get enough chicken so everyone had a LARGE piece and even seconds for almost all who wanted them along with the world's largest bucket of chips- it was huge- you could fit at least 10 gallons of water inside- probably even 15 and it was FULL to over flowing with french fries. The aunties told me the amount to buy in leones- but they didn't realize what a good deal I would find and I didn't have any clue how much to cook for one hundred people- so in our not being together in the market we ended up having quite a laugh the next morning as it was the never ending frying of chips.

After all the cooking was finished the children and staff around were loaded into the bus (not even an air pocket was left) 7 of us loaded into the jeep to follow and we were off to Bandejuma. This is the same river beach area we went to two years ago for Christmas along with Amy and Meghan and we had just as much fun this time. Well after our little/BIG problem at the fuel station which deserves another post of it's own. We had the chicken with us in the jeep and arrive almost 2 hours after the bus so they had to wait for their lunch but hey a picnic lunch at the beach on Christmas Eve had everyone in great moods that would take a lot more than that to bring down. After lunch some of us headed quickly into the water and you can bet that I was a part of that group. Another group played a game of football that had even the male staff laughing and rolling on the ground getting into. Yet more children climbed trees, sang and danced. We laughed and smiled the day away.

The children LOVE the water- Katie, Elle and I would take turns bringing them out into the deeper water and the smiles and laughter (and tight clinging) was the highlight of my day by far. There was such a joy in my heart watching them have the time of their lives together. Around 5 we started heading home and met the moms waiting for us. It was time to also start getting ready for Christmas Day.

Again we were able to have large pieces of chicken with our meal of jollof rice- a favorite sauce of many that is served mostly on special occasions. Usually early in the morning the children get up and run around the compound singing songs of Jesus' birth at the top of their lungs- however I think they were all a bit worn out from the day before as this didn't happen as early or as loudly. All did their chores and cooked so that we could head of to our various churches. After coming back to the compound we got a bunch of benches organized into a large circle in the dining hall and brought our lunch out to eat together. I was able to read the Christmas Story to all as they ate and ask a lot of fun questions and hear a lot of good answers. It meant a lot to share that time together.

After we finished the story we had a small gift for each child. Now at my house as well as at Kate's we go around one by one to open our gifts- we wanted to do this with the children her as welle. First of all for some of them this was the first time that they had unwrapped a gift- they receive them often in a bag or just as they are but not wrapped. (and let me tell you wrapping gifts for 75 children- keeping them straight and writing the correct name on the outside is not easy and to be honest we made a few mistakes) We wanted them each to know they are valued and special. They could each have thier moment to open their gift as well as share in the joy of their brothers and sisters as they opened their own. We would cheer and clap after each one. Sallay Dumbaya was the last to open her gift and she had waited so patiently that I wanted to give her an extra gift. They might not have been much but the kids loved them and I couldn't help smiling at how fun it was to be a part of giving them that moment.

That afternoon we were back to the kitchen making popcorn and punch (complete with sprite and ice) and spent the evening watching film in the hut. I was able to sneak away to go play games with my close friends and have some good time with them as they really are my family here. The special part of it was that I brought a new game from my mom with me (new to us) called Ticket to Ride- my family at home also got this game for Christmas and at that moment that evening/afternoon for them- we were all playing the game at the same time. I knew this as we were playing and it was such a simple thing that warmed my heart to be connected between my two families doing something we all love .

Kate and I had done some decorating in the hut- we had a small tree without lights or snow. We had stockings that we ended up not filling and we had popcorn strung around the ceiling that every African who entered the room commented on how crazy these pumois were. However even with the differences in the way we spent our Christmas we also had a reminder of the joy of Jesus' birth and just how special time together celebrating that special day is.

I pray you had a good Christmas as well- even if there were moments of sadness mixed in just like ours.

Getaway

You wouldn't know it from my blog but life has been a bit crazy for the past 6 months or so. I am learning a great deal however much of it at the time I would rather not learn that lesson or that character trait but as we know it is good growth and much to share with my children when the time is right. It has also given me the opportunity (not sure I would call it that in the moment) to rely on those who love me here and to not always be the strong one or the confident one or even the one who just doesn't whine- I am weak and need assurance and as my roommate (more in a future post) Kate will tell you- I definately vent and whine more than I should.

So I will give as much detail in all of this as I can later- but this is to explain the reason that I have runaway- all the way to the center of Bo Town to a Guest House for a little break. I am having a bit of trouble sleeping at night and am always on the go and having people coming to the hut- not a bad thing (well the lack of sleep is) but I just find myself needing some down time. Especially since we just had a guest leave another is coming Sunday and one more yet again in the end of Feb or early March. I saw my opportunity to escape and took it.

So here I am at Madame Yokie's in a room complete with electricity through the night, A/C (and a blanket which I need with the air conditioning), a refridgerator (which I have stocked with coke, juice, and pineapple thanks to Kate) and the best of all- a HOT SHOWER- I have taken three already.

I wanted to take some of this time to get back on the blog- I sat for 3 1/2 hours this afternoon trying to upload one photo- not going so well but I do commit to getting a couple posts out there with whatever I have- photos or not. So let me start with this small post and get onto attempting photos one more time for the next one.

Two New Pumois?

Yes I have to take a second glance when looking at photos with this fine hairstyle I was given for a wedding I was in. All here loved it. So even though I look a little different the one on the left is me. :) The one on the right is my dear new/old roommate Kate. She also has a new hairstyle for the wedding so I am going to have a get a post with a photo of our real looks soon. Kate was very brave and came to Sierra Leone for the first time this past August. She was going to be staying with us for a year but will have to leave early this April- it is going to come way too soon. Kate is a teacher and has been a great help in our JCC primary school. Of course our kids here LOVE her and she has been a source of encouragement and laughter for me. I admit that it takes time to get used to having a roommate no matter where you are and that stands true for here as well- but we have gotten quite used to each other and have had more laughs than I could ever count. (many vehicle breakdowns, broken toilets, falling off the ferry benches, cooking experiments, odd smells during game nights with friends...) During these past months of uncertainty and struggles having Kate here has been more than a blessing to me. God knows what we need even when we are not too sure about it all. I admit to wondering what it would be like to have someone else living in the hut with me, sharing not only my space but my kids and friends outside and... and yes there have been a few moments of adjustment and learning boundaries, however I could not be more thankful for Kate or more sad to think about her leaving me in just a few short months.

Thanks for taking the chance- for being brave enough to get on the plane not knowing who would be there to meet you on the other side- and for loving these people who mean so much to me and now also to you Kate. Now let's head to town and get another cold coke.