Wedding Fun

Over New Years weekend I had the honor of being in my dear friends Kondovoh and Monica's wedding. Kondovoh "proposed" to Monica last New Year's Eve while I was in America however I was able to be on the phone for some of it. I say "proposed" because it was a bit more traditional. Here the man will go to the woman's family (along with his family) and will state his intentions towards her. Questions will be asked and then the family will ask the girl if she wants to marry this man- if she agrees then they are engaged. NOW what I have learned is that if a bride price is paid at this time then the two are married- however if it is not then they are engaged. Kondovoh and Monica were engaged at this point.

AND NOW THE PLANNING BEGAN!!! This was quite the wedding- I think it was more than any wedding I will have in America or here. It was fun and I loved being part of it however it was also a ton of work. (let me just say here that this is going to be a long post as I try to share with you what SOME weddings are like here- so if you want you can just scroll through the pictures and go or you can stay and get yourself a coffee or diet coke- with ice). Here the family (which includes close friends- and therefore means I am family) all plan the wedding together. We often met with out group of close friends and talked together and all decided together how things were going to be. It was not just the bride and groom conveying their wishes and the rest of us working to get it done. Everyone was able to voice their opinion. AT THE SAME TIME Monica is a strong woman (which is why I enjoy her friendship so much- she makes me look a little less independent and strong willed :)) so she would try to go along with what the others wanted but there were times she pushed her own way through- it is her wedding after all. A few weeks before the wedding she and I went to the tailor shop to check on some of the dresses (for the 30 some girls in the wedding between bridesmaids, flower girls, small bridesmaids, usherettes...). The usherettes were told they could choose their own style for the dresses but when we got there and they were close to finished she told the tailor that she did not love the style and that he was to change it. At this point I thought a little of that show on TLC or whatever network it is.... but at the same time I laughed a little and just tried on my own dress. This was a bit how things went- you can decide and I will have final say. That will probably be me someday as well.

So yeah back to the planning. I even did some shopping in America and the day before leaving my parents house my mom and I were printing and cutting invitations to the wedding party. I do enjoy DOING things though- so if I am going to be a bridesmaid (and not only a bridesmaid but CHIEF BRIDESMAID- this makes me think of Sister Act 2 when Whoopi says- "I am not now nor have I ever been a Las Vegas showgirl- I am a headliner"- how's that diet coke coming- feel like we are sitting together yet) I want to have a job to do, something to keep me busy other than thinking of getting dressed up and walking down the isle and standing in front for the three hour wedding.

The few days before the wedding we were busy but I was also busy with work so heading into it all I was already exhausted. Yes you think I would have time off around the holidays and though I kinda did- I also have almost 100 children and a board meeting and.... So even with all this planning and all this help- we are still in Africa on BMT. This means that we had left out the simple details- who is picking up what, delivering what, how are we getting between here and there- who has the drinks... Yup on top of that I did not realize that we were having two weddings and two parties. Someone needed to explain this to me better.

Finally things are supposed to start Friday night with a quick wedding shower for Monica with the girls (didn't happen until 11:30pm that night) and then the bachelor's eve- which I thought was like the grooms dinner. A wedding rehearsal and food and good time together. Nope. the rehearsal also got moved (to 30 minutes before the actual wedding was to start and none of us were even dressed and had to go back to the house to do that) and the Bachelor's Eve was actually the traditional wedding. Again this was to start at 6 but finally started aroun 8:30pm. We were at the bride's family's house. As many as could fit sit in the living room while MANY others gather outside. The door is closed and when Kondovoh's family comes to the door they play some games about whether to let them in or not and when they finally do we go through all these introductions and gift handing out to the family members- to the father and mother first- then the aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters and all is done one by one and with explanation. Eventually after the purpose of their visit is stated (they are coming to take someone from this family into their own) another little game is played. The brides sisters and aunts say that the grooms family will need to pay transport for Monica to come (she is in one of the bedrooms) after they collect what they deem is a reasonable amount of money they go to get Monica- she comes our with a sheet covering her. When she reaches Kondovoh's family and they remove the sheet it is not her- this is done a number of times and each time there is singing and dancing as the family walks her out. Finally Monica's older brother quietly walked over to the girls and told them to actually bring Monica out. She still came out covered in a sheet that was raised by her soon to be husbands family and cheers were heard all around.

At this time she is seated in a chair looking at both families and another empty chair is placed next to her. Now it is Kondovoh's family's turn. They go outside the house to get him and bring in 3 different men each one at a time who sits next to Monica and she is asked if she knows this man and if this is the man she wants to marry (now all of this is done in Mende so I did not catch everything that happened but this is the gist of it. And by now you are thinking- gist of it- this is getting to be a book and we haven't even gotten to the wedding day yet- well hey- you complained of no blog posts and how far away I am so I am taking my time and sharing as much as I can. :)) Monica says now to each one and when Kondovoh is finally walked in surrounded by his brothers and close friends- he is smiling and so is she. He sits beside her and when she is asked if she knows this man and if he is the one she wants to marry- she smiles large and tips her head a little shyly and says yes. At this point they are prayed for by both families and the pastor and then a native wedding takes place. They say vows and join their hands together with the families and then just themselves. (this part I missed a lot of- but again- the idea is there).

When this is finished the grooms family has one of their children present a gift to the bride and her family (the bride price) this was wrapped up and after it was presented the bride and her mother went into a room and opened it- some household things were in there, an envelope and some other things- I did not see it really. Afterwards she comes back out and the mother gave Kondovoh and hug and the partying began. In the midst of this we had the wedding shower for Monica and when we finally left the party, the groomsmen all went to one house and the bridesmaids to another. The next morning came bright and early and at 6am we were up- only we were also still sewing things onto the bridesmaids dresses. We tried our best to finish it all (and were so thankful Kate was there to help with all of this) when we were called to the church for rehearsal. Now the wedding was to start in about an hour- we were 10 minutes from the house that had our clothes and make-up and shoes and things and we hadn't even started the reherseal. I wanted this to happen badly as I had no idea what to expect. Well the pastor went over a few things with K&M and then we went back to get dressed. By the time we left it was obvious that the wedding would be late- however we were thinking 30 minutes to an hour. When TWO HOURS after the wedding was to start we the bridesmaids and the bride had not shown up at the church they all began to worry. Here is is custom that the bride come late and the groom stand in front of the church waiting, wondering if she will come. However this was LONG. The pastors started to announce in the church that whoever knew Monica should call her to see if she was coming. One of the pastors called me- I stated that we were all ready and just waiting for Monica- but really the time had flown by and we didn't realize it was that late. Anyway the pastors said if she was not there by 2:30 they would call the wedding off. WE MADE IT!

Here are the six of us close friends- Sorba and Belinda, Kondovoh and Monica, and Me and JK- minus the other 3 in our group.

Now do you still want to hear about the wedding or is that enough for this coffee time? If you want you can take a break and come back later- however we all know if I take a break now I am not coming back later so let me finish. This is for my grandma who loves detail (and really I am leaving a ton out).

So we arrive at the church and all get to the back of the isle. The little girls (two groups- one dressed more western and one more traditional) and the ring bearers (three or four of them) head down first. Then comes the bride and her brother (often here it is the brother that walks the bride down the isle) dancing their way down the isle. We bridesmaids follow dancing behind. There are two chairs at the front of the church and when she reaches she meets Kondovoh and they both sit in the chairs. Eventually the pastor asks who gives the bride away and her father came around then to say that he did. Our job as bridesmaids is to take turns standing near them and fanning them- helping Monica with her dress, wiping the sweat from her.... to be there for her. The wedding has vows (like three sets I think) exchanging of rings, prayers, MANY DIFFERENT singing groups (Konodvoh's mom sang- our group of guy friends sang and Kondovoh joined them towards the end with his own part for Monica- different gospel groups young and old....) and during this time we were in a back room signing the marriage certificate- now when I say we I mean EVERYONE IN BO. They had to have at least 75 people sign it and I am not exaggerating here. Of course there was also a sermon and more prayers and other things and the wedding went far longer than was expected.

We finally paired up and walked down the isle together in front of the bride and groom who were last to come out of the church. We were whisked into vehicles for a little parade around town. We drove around to give the families time to get to their houses and then went first to Monica's and then to Kondovoh's family where they were offered a drink of water out of the same glass together. After drinking and receiving a word from the family we moved on. We went to take some pictures as the bridal party and FINALLY made it to a reception at the town hall. Here we ate, heard speeches by at least 6-8 different people- listened to a few more songs- most importantly a surprise song from Kondovoh to Monica and cut the cake and presented gifts. Here is where my CHIEF Bridesmaid position came in. After Kondovoh and Monica cut the cake then the chief bridesmaid and best man cut the cake- I didn't mess up thankfully. However I was disappointed that after we cut the cake we did not get it eat any of it like the bride and groom did. How long I have been in Sierra Leone and not had cake and there it was and all I did was put a knife through it.

Finally we were allowed to go home after collecting all the gifts and things. The guys however still had work to do late into the night as Sunday was the real wedding party (and time to wear the second dress). Oh I forgot to tell you that I guess here the bride is not to wear white after dark- so Monica changed into a pink dress like the girls for the reception- here we both are.

Now this night was New Year's Eve. At this point we should go home to change and head to the church for the celebration- I couldn't do it. I am getting old and new that again the next night was another LATE night and party- so by 11:30 I was home in bed. I did have to get back up at 1:30 to deal with the vehicle that was coming back but it was not for long.

Sunday morning Monica and I ran around to do some last minute things and then we met at the Guest House with the bridesmaids and groomsmen to go to church together. Again they were prayed for. That afternoon we had a party at another friends house (after going for lunch at K&M's after church) so we didn't reach home until 6 and were to meet again dressed and ready to go at 7:30. I took a short nap and got ready to go. Kate and I showed up at the Guest House to find absolutely no one there (and actually we were to be there before 7 but I have learned- not enough- to not be on time and thought 7:30 would be good) Well, there was trouble with the guys party clothes as well as Monica's and at the same time Monica was a bit upset and said she was not going to the party. Well Kate and I left and ran into Belinda on the way- we collected her and at that point I thought- you both are married now- you work it out. We headed into town and got something to eat and drink and sat and talked together as who knows what time it would be when we finally ate. The party was to start at 8pm and we finally met and arrived there at 10:30 and walked into the party just before 11. AND IT WAS FREEZING!!! I know I know we are in Africa. However it was barely 60 degrees and we were wearing strapless knee length dresses and are used to temperatures in the 90s so it was cold. That is where the dancing comes in as a necessity to stay warm and not just to have fun. We ate and drank and danced and listened to speeches and songs and jokes.... It was a fun night but didn't last as long as it would have had it been warmer. However 2:30 am was late enough for me after such a long weekend.
I know that not all weddings are like this here in Sierra Leone- but parts of them are. I truly was honored to share in this day with them and to be included so much. These people really are my family here and Kondovoh and Monica are more than dear to my heart. I am so thankful that I could help in their big day. Right now however I am more thankful that tonight is just game night with them all and not another wedding.

Thanks for hanging with me through this story- with it being so long and my time running out I am not going to edit any of it- it is just a conversation between me and you and FINALLY this book has come to a finish.

THE END